Once again, I find myself sitting on my canopied deck, which I have nicknamed Shangri-La. Here I am, conversing with a replica of Saint Francis (okay, so it’s a one-way conversation). I was telling Saint Francis about God’s infinite wisdom, vis a vis the promise that we mortals will achieve everlasting life in the Kingdom of Heaven, in return for following the Commandments handed down to Moses eons ago.
During this one-sided conversation, I think I may have stumbled upon the revelation to the mysterious wonders that our Creator has promised. So, I’ve decided to share it with you, dear readers.
Although we were promised life everlasting, God has never revealed the exact location of his Kingdom (Heaven). As taught to good Catholic boys and girls, and as preached in other sects and religions, Heaven is a place hidden high above the clouds. Much like the ancient lamasery of Shangri-La, lying sheltered in the towering mountains of Tibet, Heaven is a final resting place where the inhabitants live worry free.
Gee it almost sounds like a PSE&G ad! Anyway …
I was explaining the miracle of Creation to my silent companion, as told in the Bible via the analogy of the seven days needed to complete Project Planet Earth. I regaled St. Francis with the various phases of creation: of how God parted darkness from light, constructed the flora and fauna, and placed the animals on land, the fowl in the air, and the fish in the sea. “Mother Nature, St. Francis,” I clarified to the inscrutable statue of he who so loved the animals. “It’s what we down here call Mother Nature.”
And then it hit me. The Lord was telling us very clearly that … to quote an old Belinda Carlisle song … “Heaven is a place on Earth!”
Yes, friends! Crown me, for I have found heaven! It’s right beneath our very feet! How do I know this? Mother Nature works the same way that God works. So, is God, in reality, Mother Nature? Well, that’s fodder for another article. Right now, let’s compare Mother Nature’s modus operandi with that of God the Almighty.
In Mother Nature’s world, the four-footed, eight-footed, aerial, and finned creatures inhabiting this planet do not work for their existence. This is how God Himself fashioned these critters. And yet, they are provided with food, shelter, and their own form of clothing (feathers, fur, or scales). In other words, the basics of survival. Man, however, is compelled to toil his butt off for his basic necessities, particularly in this post-Bush, current-Obama economy. If I give this too much thought, I’d think that we were cheated because God, and Mother Nature, had played favorites!
Getting back to my revelation and powers of deduction (which, quite frankly, seem to be rivaling those of Sherlock Holmes today), we know that when something dies in the natural world, whether it is animal or vegetable, it returns to the earth either as food for the living inhabitants or as nutrients that nourish the soil from which grow the crops that sustain all forms of life, one way or another. This is called the nitrogen cycle. How is this not Heaven-on-Earth? These are the keys to eternal (self-renewing) life!
These facts, coupled with careful deduction and consolations with the solver of The DaVinci Code (Tom Hanks, disguised as Doctor What’s His Name), I have concluded that we mere mortals can enjoy everlasting life by the way that we are returned to the Earth. The ancient Chinese, you see, believed in a specific form of reincarnation. It was a process whereby a person was transformed, after death of the body, into some living thing that he or she disliked while he/she was alive (i.e., animal, vegetable, or for all I know, mineral as well). I guess that’s where the old saying, “Don’t kick horseshit; it may be your Uncle,” comes from.
Getting back to our central subject, now. Think, please about the road along which a dead person must journey immediately following clinical death:
1. Investigation and autopsy (for undocumented deaths)
2. Funeral arrangements
3. Burial/interment or cremation
Mandated by law, the above-mentioned rituals can become extremely expensive. But, we can dispense with these costs, and the proceeds can be used to finance the deceased’s grandchildren’s college tuitions.
We can dispense with autopsies, embalming, caskets, and other deathly accoutrements; all we need is some inexpensive cotton gauze. What was good for the wise ancient Egyptians ought to be good for us. We can wrap the bodies in the gauze in preparation for interment, then dig a hole in the ground, and let Mother Earth accept what she is about to receive. Thus, we will feed the nitrogen cycle.
Now here is where everlasting life truly begins. By planting a tree above the gravesite of the deceased, instead of an expensive granite stone marker, the tree will flourish as a result of the added nitrogen (the deceased), and the tree shall bear fruit. If the deceased loved apples, then plant an apple tree in his/her memory. When it bears fruit, the loved ones left behind on this Earth can enjoy his/her memory by tasting of the fruits of these non-verboten trees. If the deceased loved peaches, the family and friends will enjoy peaches, and so on. This takes care of the cycle of reincarnation; there is no need to reincarnate as something you don’t like! I would, however, steer clear of planting gorgeous white oleander trees, whose beautiful blooms are deadly if ingested, thus demanding the planting of yet additional trees!
Cemeteries as we now know them will become non-existent. Instead, orchards will blanket the land in the way that Johnny Appleseed once envisioned but never quite caused to be, despite his best efforts. No doubt, the fruits of those orchards will appear in our local supermarkets. Hey, it’s cheaper to buy local than it is to import. And as the Good Book says, “… and by their fruits you shall know them.”
As in the Biblical Kingdom of Heaven, where God takes care of everyone and everything, so does Mother Nature, right here on Heaven on Earth. Or rather, Heaven as Earth! In their infinite wisdom, both God and Mother Nature complete the cycle of life without waste. If we eat the natural fruits of the land, when we go to Heaven on Earth, others will eat us. Remember … only God can make a tree. Or is that Mother Nature?