As the world teeters on the brink of a financial collapse and the media heralds the impending doom, the unemployed masses are forced to consider their fate.  The rich don’t give a rat’s rump about the common man or the common woman, and our government fiddles while Rome, New York and every other town except Washington, DC burns.

When a person finds himself or herself out of work, his or her life boils down to the basic necessities.  Among the holy trinity of food, shelter, and clothing, the most vital is food.  But without a paycheck, how are the unemployed and their families to eat?  With Marie Antoinette’s famous words in mind, the answer seems clear: chow down on less expensive fare.

Supermarkets devote entire aisles to pet food ranging from dainty appetizer portions for kitties to hefty bags of dry meal for canines.  A can of cat food is approximately one-third the cost of an equivalent can of tuna intended for human consumption.  Do the math.  Of course, those beholden to gobble pet food will have to adjust their pallets, but once they get past the smell, they’ve got it half licked!

A family of four could conceivably get by on a few cans a day, with some doggie treats tossed in to satisfy the kids. With a wide variety to choose from, special brands could be used to celebrate Holidays.

Dog food can be disguised with different seasonings and shaped to simulate meatloaf, meatballs, or that all-American favorite, Spam.  With ingenuity and soy sauce, we could have Chinese!  Let’s not forget birdseed, also readily available in the pet food aisles.  With this, we will have to be a bit cautious.  Eat too much and we could wind up whistling Dixie.

With the food problem solved, we can turn our minds to the issue of clothing.  During the summer, if the neighbors don’t mind, we can run around in the buff. Winter clothing requires more long-term planning.  We can take advantage of end-of-season sales or head on over to Wal-Mart to purchase Eskimo parkas.  Or, we can just wait until Wal-Mart purposely ruins the clothing, including gloves and shoes, that don’t sell fast enough and dump them on the streets of New York City, as the retail giant was caught doing this past winter.  And, if we deign to sleep en masse, the cumulative body heat will offset the artic blasts.

The last problem confronted by the unemployed is that of shelter.  Needless to say, living in a house is out of the question; who has the money to purchase a McMansion?   The Native Americans lived in tents and survived for centuries, so  why not take a page out of their book and do likewise?  Eliminating the traditional four walls solves many problems.  There is no need to shell out money for taxes, home insurance, water, sewage, and electric bills, not to mention satellite TV.  Not having a fixed abode also makes you eligible for food stamps.  All the discounted kitty, dog, and bird food we can ram into our larders will become movable feasts!

As you can see, there is life after unemployment.   And, if you want to try living off the land, you may just wind up an oil baron like Jed Clampett of the Beverly Hillbillies.   That’s America for you: the land of opportunity!

If these scenarios depress the heck out of you, don’t put any stock in my suggestions; like Hebrew National, you should refer to a much Higher Authority.   As The Good Book tells us in Matthew 6:28, “Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow.  They neither toil or spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was never arrayed like one of these.”  In God we trust.  Of our heartless government, we are deeply suspicious.