What follows is purported to have been a London Times obituary. It has been circulated on the Internet, and its actual source and authorship are, to my knowledge, unknown. Nonetheless, I believe that, in its humorous way, it serves as a commentary on modern-day human behavior. The text of the “obituary,” edited for purposes of this publication, is as follows:
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, “Common Sense,” who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
– knowing when to come in out of the rain;
– the early bird gets the worm;
– life isn’t always fair; and
– maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, “Truth” and “Trust,” by his wife, “Discretion,” by his daughter, “Responsibility,” and by his son, “Reason.”
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers – “I Know My Rights,” “I Want It Now,” “Someone Else Is To Blame,” and “I’m A Victim.”
Not many attended his funeral, because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
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It’s funny that when someone dies, people only remember the good things about their life. Common Sense was also full of it a lot of the time. For example:
The earth is not flat.
The earth is moving.
The earth is not at the center of the universe.
The sun does not move around the earth.
Volcanoes, rain, thunder and lightning are not caused by gods.
An airplane is not too heavy to fly.
The problem with Common Sense is that it was common, and most people are full of it.
It’s ‘The Times’, not ‘The London Times’. It was the first paper to be a ‘Times’ of anywhere, and because of this, it gets the right to just be known as ‘The Times’. It’s the same as the moon, we don’t call it ‘Earth moon’, even though there are moons around other planets. Because it was the first one discovered.
The Truth:
There is a difference between hot coffee and scalding coffee not safe to drink let alone accidentally spill on you skin.
On February 27, 1992, Stella Liebeck, a 79-year-old woman from Albuquerque, New Mexico, ordered a 49 cent cup of coffee from the drive-through window of a local McDonald’s restaurant. Liebeck was in the passenger’s seat of her Ford Probe, and her nephew Chris parked the car so that Liebeck could add cream and sugar to her coffee. Stella placed the coffee cup between her knees and pulled the far side of the lid toward her to remove it. In the process, she spilled the entire cup of coffee on her lap. Liebeck was wearing cotton sweatpants; they absorbed the coffee and held it against her skin, scalding her thighs, buttocks, and groin. Liebeck was taken to the hospital, where it was determined that she had suffered third-degree burns on six percent of her skin and lesser burns over sixteen percent. She remained in the hospital for eight days while she underwent skin grafting. During this period, Liebeck lost 20 pounds (nearly 20% of her body weight), reducing her down to 83 pounds.Two years of medical treatment followed.
I think I would have sued too. There is no reason to serve and old woman boiling hot coffee in her car without warning.
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